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Places My Heart Travels…
Sometimes I have nothing to say. Nothing. Nothing is noteworthy. I am uncompelled. This has certainly been the case for this blog for the past month or so. And in my musical life for the previous six plus years.
During these times of ebb I can feel out of sorts, anxious. “Will it ever come back? What if it never does?” There are times I feel I should push through. Make myself compelled. Hah! Yeah. That works.
In the case of my musical existence I’ve been somewhat concerned. Maybe I was done. Really done. Not only haven’t I been singing, playing, performing, recording for years, I’ve hardly even been listening to music. Not in my car. Not in my home. Not on my iPod. Barely a tune anywhere.
When I’d really dip into this worry, I’d recall an episode of Iconoclasts that paired Fiona Apple with Quentin Tarantino. They’d shared similar circumstances — coming off mega-successes (Pulp Fiction for Tarantino, Tidal for Apple) and made the wildly unpopular and counterintuitive choice not to jump into the next project. Instead, they waited. For something to strike the antennae:
This perspective provided comfort. Nothing has struck. Just wait. Trust. Wait some more. Trust.
Until all of a sudden — something! I had experienced a brief moment of inspiration in 2008, resulting in some singing bowl singing tracks, that never went further than the actual recording process. Until a few weeks ago, when a Canadian healer, on the advice of a mutual friend, contacted me about needing a 10-minute meditation to incorporate into a breathwork recording. She described what she wanted, and I realized that those tracks might have finally found their purpose. I wasn’t entirely sure, but with deadline in mind, the antennae having been struck, I donned the headphones, dove into GarageBand, and let it unfold. It did.
The initial result is a 10-minute Heart Space Meditation. That the catalyzing healer is quite pleased with and will be incorporating in her work, and that I can offer for sale on its own, and that serves as a nice launching platform for my next steps. (It’s right over there to the right on the sidebar. You can listen to it!)
Beyond that, I’m inspired. The antennae has indeed been struck. I’m happily engaged and frankly relieved. I’ve missed this part of myself and it feels good to be back — from nothing — to something.
I wasn’t always this way, and perhaps the devotion I’ve cultivated for spreadsheets is a testimony to just how much I have changed over the years. Let me count the ways…
I used to be estranged from money. Keep me and it far, far away from each other. Now though, I’ve become very present with it as a powerful ally for facilitating positive change, joy and balance in the world. My spreadsheet(s) (yes, there are many) help me stay present with the flow — where it’s going, what it’s doing, how it can work in ways more fully in alignment with my spiritual values.
I used to shy away from discipline and routine in my life. I thought that d & r translated to dull and restrictive. I’ve since learned that some discipline and routine keep my foundation balanced. Helping me have what I need within myself and available in my resources to be truly spontaneous.
I use my dear spreadsheets to show me how I’m progressing, to keep track of projects I’m involved with, and as reminder of what is important to me. There is an art to the spreadsheet, and I’ve become just such an artist. They will never be shown in a gallery, but that doesn’t make them any less precious. And my, oh my, how I do love me a spreadsheet.